


Lost souls

by inicorn



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Café, Crying, Depression, Emotional Support, F/M, Grief, Helping, Hope, Instagram, Mentions of Suicide, Modern AU, Pain, Poverty, Slice of Life, Slow love building, Softness, Support, death of a family member, fluff later on, mourn, positivity, well Yone is dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inicorn/pseuds/inicorn
Summary: Janna is the emotional support everyone needs. However, she herself struggles. She doesn't want to give up just yet though and she finds hope in a stranger who wants to take his own life.Will she be able to change his mind?
Relationships: Janna/Yasuo (League of Legends)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. Let me help you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> First of all, I am sorry for my english. It is not my first language so read on your own risk.  
> Its my first League of Legends fic, I hope I didnt do that bad.  
> I dont know where I was going with this, but I hope youll enjoy!  
> Please read tags.
> 
> For all the sad peeps who need support or someone to talk to.

Janna is a really humble person. People around her say she is the kindest person they have ever met and she tried really hard to help everyone. To be the emotional support everyone needed. She loved to help people. Maybe that was her weakness. That she was a people-pleaser and got used for it a lot.

At first she didn't mind, but later she started to notice and it hurt her. She wasn't able to say no though so she went through the situations she was really uncomfortable with, but she always somehow managed. Like that time Kaisa wanted to go out on lunch with her but “accidentally” forgot her wallet. Janna never got her money back. Or that time on college when Zed made her do all his home assignments for him and she got nothing out of that. Or that time she agreed to babysit a child even though she didn't even like kids.

But despite all that she was a happy person. Or at least that is what was her instagram saying about her. She had an account with around 29 thousand followers and it was nice to see so many supportive people liking her posts about positivity. She posted a lot about life, aesthetic, sometimes her own body. She really didn't like herself, she ate really little. She was skinny from the beginning, but she found comfort in starving and getting even smaller than she needed to be. It was her own personal coping mechanism with the issues she had. Issues she never told anyone in fear of bothering them. She kept it all in herself. So she didn't eat. Some haters on instagram called her skinny bitch, but she just replied with kindness. People online were comforting her in a way no one in real world would.It felt really nice and she felt a bit guilty for pitying herself.

So she was helping others. So much, she gave her soul into every listening of problems people came to her to vent with. Empathy was her strong side, she could really feel the pain of other people, could imagine their struggles, their feelings.

Sometimes it was too much for her and she just wanted to lock herself in her room and cry her soul out. Or at least what was left of it.

Her work was harder than it needed to be. She didn't go well with her boss, who ordered her around like a dog. Of course she needed the money, but was it even worth it? Would she be even able to quit? Is she strong enough? Probably not. She was fighting her hatred for herself every single day of her life since the puberty, but lately it was winning. Even her IG followers started to notice. She didn't post as much in her stories, her posts were in a darker tone even though she tried to make it feel positive. To send a message there is a hope. For people. She didn't know if for her too.

She loved the cafe she worked in, loved black coffee that she made for herself every morning. The smell of coffee beans of all kinds she was working with. The kinds of milks, the sweet pastries like muffins she never had the nerve to actually try. And then the people. She loved to smile at them and see their reactions. Everyone needs kindness and a little bit of positivity every day. Even if its only from a bartender in the coffee shop they come to pick their favorite coffee in.

“What's your name?” She smiles at a woman with strong physique and tired expression.

“Illaoi.” She said exhaustedly.

“Nice and unique name!” Janna smiled as she wrote the letters on the cup.

“Really? Most people dont even know how to spell it…”

Janna showed her the cup with correctly spelled name.

“Im impressed.” She said with pleased tone which made Janna smile even brightly. The woman returned her the smile and even if it was just mild it made Janna feel better.

Those were the small things she told herself to live for. So she went day by day like this, trying to make impact in lives of people. Even if it would be the smallest one, she wanted to be useful. To know her purpose in this life.

It is a long day today. It is autumn evening, if not late night. Janna stopped looking at the clock because she wasn't getting out of work anytime soon. Her work colleague got sick so she needed to take double shift. Janna didn't really mind, better to be at work than at home crying like every night past few weeks.

So when she finally looks at the clock it is almost 1 am. Wow, she didn't expect that. Her boss must really hate her for heavens know what. When she finally finishes cleaning up the cafe, all chairs up on the tables and machines switched off, she sighs. It has been days since she got a decent sleep, but she keeps going. Today wasn't the worst. She smiles at the thought of her customers smiling back at her.

It is a chill night with light breeze. She likes wind, it makes her feel alive, she wonders if she was a bird in past life.

The night is dark and she finds comfort in solitude. City lights are gently lighting her way home. Every day or night she goes this way from work, it leads over a bridge she crosses, sometimes she stops there to look at the river. It is pretty high and she likes the empty space below her.

As she approaches the bridge, she starts noticing a person standing on the edge.

Oh no.

She slowly comes closer and sees an unknown young man. She cant see his expressions but she just knows. He wants to jump.

“Hey…” She stands few feet away from him.

He doesn't move or say anything.

“I understand you.” She says, worried. She doesn't want him to jump. Not another young soul lost. She feels sick.

“I doubt that.” He says quietly.

“Yeah, I know nothing about you. But I understand your decision. It is your free choice. But I want you to know, that you do have a choice. It truly is a solution, it doesn't make you weak. In fact, you are strong.” What is she saying?

“What?” He confusedly turns around.

“I'm sorry. I'm just a stranger, I'm in no place to be telling you anything. I wish I could help you though. I feel you're hurt just looking at you and it makes me sad.”

“You don't even know me.” He looks at her. “Wait. Are you the moonJane0?”

How does he know her instagram username? Not like it is impossible. Its true her followers are mostly depressed people who seek help online, but what are the odds?

“I mean.. yeah..” She says, surprised.

He takes a step back. They look at each other for few seconds.

“You didn't post anything in a while.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry.” She says feeling a bit guilty.

“I really liked your posts. They were giving me hope.”

That lifted Janna up a bit. “Im glad to hear that.” She smiles.

When a moment passes he turns back. “So if you excuse me…”

She panics and hugs him from behind. “Hey.. Let me help you.” She says sadly.

“I have already decided.”

“Give me some time, please.” Maybe it is selfish, but she really wants to help this man. To have something to live for in her life again even if it means helping this individual. This is her last hope. She needed this. “Let me try to change your decision. It is okay if you don't change your mind. Just let me try it.”

He turns back to face her. Maybe it is dark, but she sees tears in his eyes.

“What is your name?” She smiles.

He takes a deep breath.

“Yasuo.”


	2. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasuo opens up, Janna is here to comfort.   
> (tags updated)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIII ^u^  
> hope you like this chapt! i enjoyed writing it.. there is more to come!!

When Janna closed the door of her low class apartment and switched on the lights, she finally saw Yasuo clearly. He had an old grey jacket without a hood and black jeans. He had long dark hair tied in a high bun and old faded scar over his nose. His sad red eyes had dark circles underneath and his jaw and chin sported a stubble.

Even in this state she thought he looked beautiful. She found beauty even if people didn't see it at the first sight and she valued it dearly.

She took off her coat and saw him just standing with the empty eyes. She helped him take off his jacket and led him further into the living room connected with the kitchen.

“I know it is not exactly warm here, my heating system doesn't work properly, sorry about that.” She showed him her old sofa and when he sat down, she threw the thickest blanket she found over his shoulders.

“Ill make tea.”

When she finally placed the cups on the small ragged coffee table in front of the sofa and sat right next to him, he was hiding his face in his palms with elbows on his knees.

“Yasuo.” She starts softly. “It is okay. You can cry. You don't have to say anything.” She puts her arm around his shoulders that she finds out are too wide.

“He is… dead…” He says quietly, one hand covering his eyes, other gripping his knee.

She remains quiet.

“My brother…” Tears fall down. “Yone…”

Janna takes a deep breath. So thats what is it. Grief is really hard to deal with, especially when the one who died is someone really special, someone you loved the most. Death of family members are the worst to deal with. She had a close friend in the past who lost her parents in a car crash and it took her years to relatively get over it. It was hard times even for Janna, because she knew them well too, but it was nothing in comparison for their actual daughter.

She decides not to say anything. There are no words that could help in this situation, she just lets the man cry. It seems like he held it in himself for really long time and she feels this part. There is a lot he needs to deal with and all she can do is be here for him. So she is. The whole night she stays up, lets him cry and tell her everything. At first he is hesitant, apologizes a lot, but after her reassurance that it is okay to feel, it is okay to cry, it is okay to speak about it, that she wont judge, he starts to open up.

Janna discovers that the only person Yasuo ever had was his brother, no parents, no any other family, no friends. He and his older brother Yone were always together, as young boys in a children's home, rebellious high school times, working at various part time jobs and managing to survive at shady accommodations. It wasn't that bad because they had each other, but then it happened, a month ago. When Yone was working till late night and wanted to get home faster, he chose the darker street to get back home faster. They found him with a bullet in his head the next morning.

Yasuo blamed himself for this. He thought if he worked harder and earned more money, his brother wouldn't have to take night shifts. That he wouldn't end up like this if Yasuo helped more. He thought it was his fault and hated himself for that. So much, he wasn't able to do anything and ended up on the streets, wandering through the cities, hitchhiking. Last night was the last drop.

“I don't deserve to be alive…”

Janna’s mental alarms ring. “No no no.. That is not true and you know that.” She starts. “I know it is hard to process and I understand it is hard to accept it, but you need to know it is not your fault. It is not your fault he died, Yasuo.” She takes his hand. “I know it takes time, but I will be here to remind you every day. You are worth being here just as any other person.” He looks into her kind eyes full of compassion. “Do you think Yone would blame you? That he would want you to die? He loved you and wanted you to be happy, that is why he worked so hard.” She smiled with glassy eyes.

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course. You yourself know him the best, you just need to realize those things. You are now blinded by pain with self-hatred and need to mourn. You cant blame yourself for something that isn't even your fault. That takes the most of your energy and leaves none for the feelings you need to feel right now.” She smiles. “Trust me, it will be a long way and letting go is the first and hardest step. You are worth it and deserve happiness, Yasuo.”

He stared at her, his tears stopped falling.

She kept smiling. She caressed his cheek and took the tea in his hands, placing it on the table. She hugged him and leaned back on the couch with him in her arms. She caressed his hair under her face. “It is okay to cry, allow yourself to feel what you need.”

Janna feels his body slowly relax. He hugs her back. Tears silently stain her shirt, but she doesn't care. It is okay. She is here to help him. She carefully reaches for the blanket and with one hand throws it over the both of them.

Moment passes.

“You know…” She hears his deep voice on her chest. “Nobody was ever that kind to me…” He snuggles into her. “Ever…”

She smiles. “Relax.” His hair are greasy, but she doesn't care about that either and caresses them anyway. She looks at the cheap digital clock on the table in the kitchen part of the room. She should be at work in about three hours.

She decides to ignore this fact. She is so tired and feels like there is no more important thing than to save this lost soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make my life brighter <3


	3. Two way hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasuo notices.

When Janna wakes up, it is still dark outside. She slowly opens her eyes, the dim light of the lamp in the corner gently reminds her memories. Yasuo is still laying on her, softly breathing. He is still sleeping. She smiles.

Then she remembers work, is it too late? She so much doesn't want to go. Slowly and carefully she reaches one hand to the armrest of the sofa, where her phone lays.

6:24 am.

She still has some time. Still feeling a bit tired, she unlocks the phone. She finds Sivir on the WhatsUp app and starts typing.

_< hey, are you feeling better?_

Few minutes of listening to Yasuo's breath pass.

> _jane_ _you woke me up_

_< im sorry_

_< do you think you could go to work today?_

Janna needs to come up with something. There is no way she is going to work today.

< _im not feeling well today_

She almost never does this, but she feels like she deserves this. Past week she was in work nonstop because Sivir started to cough a little and decided to act like she got the worst case of pneumonia.

> _uhh_

_< please, come on, you owe me this_

_> alright_

_< thank you, true savior_

Janna feels victorious. When she checks the time once more she realizes she slept only two hours and wonders if she could sleep some more. Since college she developed this anxiety level, that she wakes up naturally in time before she needs to go somewhere. Stress from missed lessons and events made her feel nauseous just thinking about being late and her subconsciousness to react even in sleep. Not like she can do anything right now anyway. She looks at the sleeping man once more and smiles. Relaxing, she closes her eyes and manages to drift into the darkness once more.

When she wakes up the second time and opens her eyes she sees Yasuo looking at her.

“Ah! I’m sorry!” She lowkey panics. “How long have you been up?”

“No, no, don’t worry. I just woke up.” He ensures her.

She sighs and runs her hand through her long ash blonde hair. She had to look horrible with smuggled mascara and uncombed hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Better..”

She smiles.

“Thank you.” He looks away.

“You can take a shower, the bathroom is there.” She points at the door on the other side of the room. The apartment is small so there is no way to get lost there.

“I mean.. you really don’t mind? I don’t have any money left..”

“You also don’t have a place to go, right? It’s okay, I told you I’ll be here for you. You can stay here.” She kindly reassures him.

“Janna..”

“Yasuo, it’s ok. Take a shower, I’ll make some food.” Smile never leaves her face.

He smiles too and Janna realizes that it's the first time she sees him with this expression. She loves when she makes people smile, but this time it made her happy on a whole new level.

She gets up and finds a clean towel. In her bedroom, she picks the biggest shirt she has and old sweatpants. She never wore them since two years ago because they became too loose for her. She was glad she didn’t throw them away right now.

When the door into the bathroom were closed she sighed. She went to the kitchen sink and splashed some cold water into her face, rinsed her mouth and briefly washed her cheeks. She will need a makeup remover for her lashes later, but for now it’s ok.

She felt a bit dizzy, remembering she didn’t eat since yesterday’s breakfast which was just one small banana. Opening the fridge she realized there is no food there, just carbonated plain water bottles.

She decides to make her best quality coffee, write a note and run into the small store on the corner of her street.

When she returns back home and takes off her hoodie, she finds Yasuo folding the blankets on the sofa. He has wet hair falling on his back with the towel around his shoulders and his eyes don’t have that visible dark circles underneath anymore. Wearing her clothes, she finds him kind of cute.

She doesn’t miss how clean her kitchen suddenly became.

“Hey, you really didn’t need to.” She puts the bags full of food on the table. As she starts taking the goodies out, she suddenly feels his hands wrap around her from behind. She chuckles. “Thank you though.”

“No, I thank you.” She hears his sincere gratefulness from his voice. “Let me make the breakfast.” He takes three eggs with an onion and bread. “Yone taught me how to do eggs..”

Janna quickly turns around. “I bet they will be great.” She takes a step to look into Yasuo’s face. “Make them for me, please?” She needs to distract him as she sees the sadness in his eyes. “I wonder how they taste. What type of food do you like?”

“I’m not very picky.. I eat everything.” He says as he pours oil on the pan laying on the cooker. “Life taught me to take or leave it, but if you leave it you starve.”

Janna takes a deep breath. Now she feels ashamed for not eating properly lately. “I see.” She says, a bit sadly. “I’ll take a shower, be right back. Counting on you with the eggs!” She tries to lighten up the mood.

Is she able to actually help this man? She is starting to question herself, if she won’t make him hurt even more.. She has been dealing with people’s emotions her whole life, she should know what to say or do, she should intuitively help them, why is it so hard this time? Is it because she is so drained herself? Was she getting too much weight on her shoulders? Even after all she has done for him and plans to do, she feels like not enough.

As she brushes her hair, she loses her mind in doubt and forgets about herself. She knows what she should do, she helped people with self-doubt multiple times, but it is so hard to deal with it herself alone. It feels like a burden that cannot be eased. But she can’t think about that, not now. She needs to be strong for this person that is new in her life. Compared to him, who lost everything, her problems seem like nothing. She feels so small. She pulls out the scale and checks her weight. The new lowest.

“Mhm, smells delicious!” She watches as Yasuo puts the plates in front of them.

“I mean, they should be. I couldn’t find pepper though.”

She looks at the meal in front of her. She feels nauseous, but there is no way she is avoiding it. It is not like she wants to skip the meals, the constant tiredness from lack of food doesn’t add to the exhaustion from the lack of sleep. But here she goes, not having taste or will to eat.

No. She needs this, nutrition and strength for properly functioning, not only physically but also mentally. She takes a bite. It really does taste delicious, one of the best eggs she had in her life.

“Woah! Yasuo, that really tastes good!” She compliments him.

He watches her take another bite. Bite so small it would fit into a thimble.

“Are you okay?” He suddenly asks.

Janna looks up. “Yeah, what do you mean?”

“The eggs taste good, I know it, I saw it when you first tasted it, but you look like you force yourself to eat them.”

That catches Janna off guard. “W-what? No, I like eating!” She lies. Nobody ever noticed, all she had to do is swallow the food in front of them and everyone was happy.

“When I was in high school.. there was a girl with an eating disorder. Everyone knew she always loved strawberries, but then you could visibly see her inner fight to even take a bite of one. And you are so scarily skinny.” He is looking right into her eyes.

She wants to cry but bravely holds all her tears back. “No, I’m ok, don’t worry.” She feels his intense sight into her soul.

“We know each other just few hours but you already did so much for me.” Yasuo says quietly. “You are the kindest person I’ve ever met. Please let me help you too.”

A tear escapes the corner of Janna’s eye.

Seconds feel like eternity.

“Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading (*v*/

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, is it worth to continue this story?  
> Kudos and comments make my life brighter. Stay safe.


End file.
